…where you comparatively realize what you are doing is nothing more than planning a birthday party for yourself. It feels silly, but it’s the truth. I’m planning a party for Neil and I. I’m throwing us a party, and although its meant as some kind of gift or positive thing, …you really just feel at its core that it is the most narcassistic thing one can do with their time. I mean really. I typically for the most part make fun of people who do stuff like this, and yet that what this whole process is. Narc’y. It almost has the quality of “LOOK AT ME!” …really the last thing I want in life. Most days I’m doing good if I don’t make eye contact with a single individual. My family and I rarely talk, so really, when all is said and done I’ll have spent a year planning something that short of a few aesthetic table accessories is non-representative of myself entirely. Nice.
Ugh.
