Being 19 weeks pregnant has initiated a gut reality check that I am halfway through and that on the other side of what feels like a few mere weeks, I (and Neil of course) will be responsible for another human being. There are so many books, checklists, and things to do, that it feels completely overwhelming trying to gauge where we are and *if* we are on target, if that’s even possible. It all felt punctuated this week by beginning the process of trying to find daycare for MK.
Note: The beginnings of my lists started in week 19
Daycare is the one task I’ve been dreading since even before we were pregnant. Because I no longer work at home (not that it would have mattered), full-time daycare is the only option we have in order for us both to keep working (which we want to do). That’s one “UGH.” The second “UGH” is that daycare where we live is hard to find, and expensive. Like more than our mortgage expensive. We are now on lists for openings, which is stressful, because I haven’t seen these lists to know I’m really on them and will really be called if there was an opening. One woman even told us to call monthly. Sure, I’ll just add that to the list.
So now we wait. Thankfully, with my parents in town, they have offered to help until we get in a place we feel good about, so hopefully we will hear back from someone soon. It’s already difficult enough to know I won’t have as much leave as I would have hoped for (the downside of not being in my new job long), and that we just don’t know a lot of people who are in this stage. It’s been hard enough even knowing what questions to ask and what expectations are reasonable.
Thank you for listening to all of that, it feels good to have that off my chest.
On a positive note, I am knocking down pregnancy/parenting books like it’s my job. However with every one I finish, there are five more that pop up on my radar. And we did some major spring cleaning and organization over the weekend. Somehow it feels so good the more we simplify. Must. Get. Rid. Of. Stuff.
Thoughts
I am just feeling really grateful for where I’m at this week, even if I’m constantly overwhelmed by all that’s still in front of us. I try to never take for granted how good I feel and how lucky I’ve been throughout this pregnancy. Most people continue to say I don’t even look pregnant (which I don’t know how to take?) but every kick and squirm I feel validates that little MK, Neil and I are a good team so far.
Still, with every feeling of validation, comes 10 more of insecurity, and it’s impossible not to wonder if I’m going to be a good parent, and if I’m really going to be able to jungle all the major bowling balls and goals I still have for my life. I definitely feel like my attempts to prepare my environment around me are a manifestation of this insecurity that I might not be good enough.
Food
I am STILL thinking about my reveal cake. My ability to be preoccupied by food in pregnancy is unlike anything else. However because my protein intake requirements are so high, I’m just as obsessive about getting really good sources of protein and plenty of veggies to balance it in my diet.
The theme of this pregnancy is still taco salads. I think I’ve had this meal at least 10 times at this point, and it NEVER gets old. Poor Neil.
I had my first big cheat in a few weeks on Friday night: a loaded Billiards burger and sweet potato fries with several refills of Diet Pepsi. It was AMAZING, but afterward, I thought my heart was going to explode and MK must have been doing body rolls because he/she was WILD. Cheats are always good while they are happening, but they also tend to put me right back on track.
CrossFit
Another good week. I’m really no taking these for granted, and am crossing my fingers for a nice long cool spring before the inevitable Missouri summer starts. I continue to work on planking outside the gym, and am slowly working myself to great and greater spans of time.
In other news, pulled out the bigger tops that I bought in first trimester:
Monday
“Fight Gone Badder”
3 Rounds:
KB swings (53/35)
T2B
Deadlift 185/125
Burpees
Double Unders
With a running clock, you will have 1 minute at each station and 1 minute rest after all 5 stations. Score is total reps completed.
Tuesday
Skill work: Snatch (I’m currently kind of maxed out at about 65# on this movement)
WOD:
6x400m Run + 50 burpees
Wednesday
WOD:
Active Rest – 2 mile walk with dogs
Thursday
WOD:
“Jack”
20 Minute AMRAP
10 Push press @115/85
10 Kettlebell Swing @55/35
10 Box Jump (24″)
Friday
Ring Dips 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1
Handstand Push-Ups 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10
These are super-set’s. Perform 10 Ring Dips, then 1 Handstand Push-Up. Climb down the rep ladder for Ring Dips while climbing up the rep ladder for Handstand Push-Ups until the final set of 10 Handstand Push-Ups in complete.
Saturday
Active Rest – 1 mile walk with dogs, also did about 50 burpees with the 8AM free class I coached.
Sunday
Rest
You’re doing an awesome job with planning and such! I, too, did a lot of the same things. I will just say as something to help comfort you with how crazy it can feel . . . you honestly can’t prepare yourself for what’s ahead in full. Childbirth books and reading about that was the most important to me to get over the physical feat of childbirth and to understand my body — especially the postpartum period. Breastfeeding is something I read about, but it only really clicked/made sense in practice. I’d say to get linked up with a lactation consultant to take a class and meet after you give birth. The morning after I had Ada, I scheduled a visit and it helped WAY more than anything I had read. And does you university offer any sort of parent leave? It’s likely unpaid, but if you lined up some freelance projects — you could possibly take a bit more time off and maybe work half time until you feel good about your arrangements. Our university offered up to 8 months off total and initially I had planned on transitioning after the 12 weeks to half-time. Just a thought!!! <3 Halfway there almost!
And I mean half-time for the rest of the 8 months and then going back to full. It was because we hadn’t found good daycare arrangements. Just wanted to clarify!
Our healthcare provider/hospital actually has a lot of great support available for lactation/breastfeeding that I am already so grateful for. Their motto is that if you want to breastfeed, they are going to do everything possible to make it work for you.
I have up to 8 weeks unpaid leave, and we are trying to cram as much freelance in as possible ahead of this. I’ll have about 3 weeks vacation/sick and hopefully if I work with my director, I can flex/part-time and work from home as necessary to at least get to 6. Once there, Neil has an abundance of sick and vacation, and that will hopefully get us to 8. It’s not optimal, but survivable. It really makes you angry, as a woman, at how little support there is formalized to really do what’s best for our kids in this area compared to Europe.
I intentionally timed my pregnancy for a summer birth so that I don’t have to take unpaid leave from my teaching job. The lack of support in our country makes me livid. Depending on when I deliver, our kid will be 7 or 8 weeks when going to daycare (sad! Wish I had gotten pregnant a month earlier).
What I do find interesting (and this is not a dig but an observation) is how different people respond to pregnancy. I’ve casually read through a few books but put them down if I didn’t feel I was getting anything (see: Sears Birth Book and The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy). My Mayo Clinic handbook from my doctor has been my favorite resource. I’m trying hard to go with the flow, because my parent friends have reminded me that every kid is different. I just plan on taking my first weeks to learn from my kid.
Re: daycare, we have the opposite struggle. In our town, it’s in-home with only one center option. I have debated in-home over and over, but I just can’t get behind having one set of eyes to potentially watch 10 kids. They can only have one infant, but the ratio still makes me uncomfortable. The center isn’t perfect, but the caretakers really do care about the kids. The infant room ratio is 1:4. So, I think we’ll go for it. We just visited this week, so I’m really far behind you then.
On last tip in this novel of a comment: you can always buy/prep stuff after the baby is ready. We are focusing on cleaning, organizing, decluttering, and putting together the basic needs (crib, changing table, carseat etc). After that, we just plan on seeing what happens with our kid.
I struggle with the information side. Everyone seems to know more than me, but at some point, is what I’m reading even helping. Gaskin’s books are great resources, and the La Leche League book has been pretty good, but the antecdotal stuff has been meh. I miss reading books for me 🙂
My wife and I certainly understand your pain on the day care side of things. We live in the burbs of Kansas City and a quality day care in the location we live will set you back anywhere from $375 – $450/week. We now have 2 kids and it was actually cheaper to hire a nanny and pay the taxes, etc associated with it than to pay day care for 2 kids.
I can not imagine. My mom casually brought up having a second the other day and I was like “we can’t afford it, literally, without giving up EVERYTHING as far as comfort and security, it’s just not doable.”
If you want to be frustrated, there is a family friend of ours who does daycare in a small town in MN. Her rate, $2.15/hr!
We’re going through the same thing with daycare research/budgeting right now and it is so stressful 🙁 We’ve already toured five places but I think we’re going to add a few more to the list because we don’t love or can’t afford the places we’ve found. Sigh. Also, I may need to start eating taco salads. Yum.