It’s been one year since Kaitlan died. On one hand, I can’t believe it, but on the other I know it because I literally think of her every day — especially since my Kaitlan was born. Parenting is the ultimate in highs and lows, fear and exultation. One minute you are imagining the adventures you’ll have and thinking everything she does at 6 weeks must mean she’s a genius, the next you are hovering over their crib wondering if her breathing is too quiet.
CrossFit just isn’t the same without her, as hard as I try to pretend it hasn’t changed. When we all started out three years ago, we were this amazing motley crew of girls. We didn’t care what we wore, everything was done for fun, and nobody took anything seriously. Every time someone new came, they just fell into the mix. I’m definitely missing that now — parts of the community feel far too serious and less inclusive — not at all how I imagined the CrossFit community in Columbia growing.
Despite that, I still see her in so many of the faces I work alongside every day. Someone will wear a funny old shirt, dance after a heavy lift, cartwheel, or climb up the pull-up bar the way she used to — without a care for who was watching or how it looked. Just floating. I hope my daughter will be just like that.
